Oh man what a difference a day makes.
I started writing a post yesterday when I was in the thick of it. The kids were both needy/whiny/fussy/irritating, I was frustrated/tired/short, and the day was long and grey. They barely napped and I was really not into it. I have saved the paragraph from yesterday's FOG.
"Somedays I'm tired. I want to cook and fully clean the house. I want to go to the spa. I want to work on Joy Cultivate. I don't want my mornings to be peppered with two kids crying and whining and needing. They can be a lot sometimes. Penelope can be the sweetest most inquisitive quiet reader one minute, then face down screaming onto the floor the next - NO APPARENT CAUSE ALSO. It's up and down all day. That's one child. The next child is usually so so so easy and happy to sit and watch. But now he is growing and learning (which is amazing), but he needs more. It feels like while I'm running to tend to one kid or one dish (to feed them mostly), the other is upset at the lack of attention or need for help. I feel like some days its literally steps backward. All day. I am tidying all day and it's messier than when I started. I feed them all day and Mark comes home and they need more food."
Today is a different story! Thank goodness! The weather isn't improved, but my mood is. Although we were up earlier, here are things that improved my day:
- started vegetable stock (threw in veg scraps to simmer - still simmering)
- waking up to a clean kitchen (this is hard. There are so many thing to do at the end of the day, and by the time it is 9pm, I really don't want to sweep or clean. But last night I did. And it feels so much better). This makes me feel like I am starting on top, rather than behind right away.
- I had a coffee. Caffeine makes me feel better. It is so worth it to me.
- I wrote down what I was grateful for. Just a quick note. But it is always uplifting.
- We made it to Strong Start. It's tough with Elliot's morning nap, plus snow-suit wrangling, but it's sweet to actually get them out socializing with other kids, to see other parents in the thick of it with me, and to sing songs and watch kids be kids.
- GLORIOUS NAP! They are still napping. Omg. Just rejoicing in quiet. I read. For pleasure. Amy Schumer's books. Usually when I finally get to read, I feel the need for it to be 'developmental' reading for business or personal betterment. Sometimes just reading for joy is important too. I laughed a lot. Ate my stir-fry leftovers from last night. THEN
- HAD A BATH! Ah! It's one thing to have lots of ideas for acts of self-love, but it really is amazing when you do it! I put a face mask on I was saving 'for special important' (why do we do this?), soaked in hot water and breathed. I buffed and cleaned my feet. AND THEY ARE STILL NAPPING FOLKS.
Nothing monumental, but I knew I had to 'fill my cup' after yesterday. It was getting low, I was getting angry and frustrated and tired. None of these are my core self, and what feels normal and natural to me. Being able to notice when I'm 'off' is big, but quickly doing little things to bring me back is bigger.
- gift myself coffee
- count my blessings (gratitude practice)
- do acts of self-care (WASH MY FEET LITERALLY, also baths are great)
- eat good food
- read (and laugh hopefully)
Generally free. Generally easy. I just had to make it happen. Not easy, as you can see in my paragraph from yesterday, how engulfing those crappy feelings can be. Small choices. But to me it's easier to see them as quick small choices that effect the big pie at the end of the day.
I can hear Elliot waking up!
That's my cue!
I'll aim for another update soon. You can catch a bit of what I've been working on with Joy Cultivate lately here and here!
Love from the mountains,