Today is my birthday, so I thought it was a good time to sit, reflect, and write about the last 365.
As I write this, birds are chirping. "Be Here Now" by George Harrison is playing. The sky is spotted with small playful clouds. I'm sitting on our little porch in the remaining shade. The lilacs just bloomed and the scent fills the air. It's truly a stunning perfect day! I feel really lucky. Mount Fernie on my right has a couple small bits of snow left, but is almost entirely green. I'm sipping my Stoke green juice and savouring the calm of naptime.
27 feels different. I feel the change this year. It is significant. I feel stronger, wiser, and older in the best way. This past year was one of the hardest in my life. My first year with two children. My first year not pregnant in three years. During times of difficulty and darkness, it felt like the snowballs kept coming and piling. I experienced depression, anxiety, helplessness, insomnia, and frustration. It was awful. I learned about things that drain me, and that fill me up, and the importance of identifying them. I learned that it's multi-layered and different, and ever-changing, really. Out on the other side of that, literally bathing in the sunshine and bird songs - I am stronger woman. I feel that intensely. 27. Through the hard winter, so much good still happened. I deepened my connections and friendships in Fernie. We moved homes. I started a business. Mark and I got away for a week. I got certified and started teaching barre classes. We started a garden and took our family camping. I came out of the darkest season of my life - I can sleep, my body is strengthening, and my mind is at peace. I am so incredibly grateful for that. That overall health seeps into everything, it has a ripple effect. Thus the good health rippling into a good life. *****10 prayer hands emojis******
Things I've learned:
- a hot getaway was incredibly powerful and uplifting. To break up winter, I truly feel the importance of it.
- my well-being is multifaceted. Like a spider with six legs (they have six legs right?). If you knock one out, that spider is going to slow down. And look ridiculous let's be honest. For me I think those 6 spider legs (why did I go with this analogy) would look like: EXERCISE, ALONE TIME TO RESET, SELF CARE, GOOD FOOD, TIME IN NATURE, QUALITY TIME WITH MARK, FRIEND CONNECTIONS. Turns out it's a 7 legged spider. Much faster. Let's hope I got my point across...
- I need to ask for help/breaks before I get to 10/10 on the stress scale. To avoid depletion/exhaustion/crying.
- reading is enjoyable and important
- doing something new and scary is a great way to feel alive (this was barre for me)
Things I'm incredibly grateful for:
- My health and the health of my family and friends.
- Being able to sleep well
- Sunshine. And the power of Spring to remind me of seasons, change, growth, newness, and trusting that beauty and goodness will always bloom again.
- A break in Mexico. Because it was exactly that.
- My parents and mother in law. They give endlessly. Their time and energy and space and love and clothes and toys and food and hugs. Parents, thank you for giving me breaks. Thank you for giving us time as a couple. Thank you for loving us endlessly. Our family is better because of you guys.
- A magical Christmas in Winnipeg. It was my first time in my life not being in Calgary with my family, and my in-law side made it so fun, laughter-filled and special.
- Soar Studios and Vanessa. Being able to teach spin and barre is the best feeling. It's a place where I've made so many friends. A place where I've gained strength and love for my body. A place that allows me to SOAR and be me and lead people through movement. Which I love so much.
- Friends. near and far. Fernie, Calgary, Vic, Van. For the empathy, laughter, and listening.
- My kids. For challenging me more than anything in my life. For pushing me to gain new skills, to love deeper, and to appreciate the little things. Nothing melts my heart like the two of them playing together.
- My husband. Giving me love, appreciation and care 24/7/365. Making me laugh harder than anyone. Every day. Bringing out my strengths and encouraging me and loving me especially when I'm struggling to. Life is amazing because of I get to do it with you. Thank you.
Struggling not to cry the whole damn time. EMOTIONS. Grateful for life. To move each day with comfort and ease with the ones I love. And to be able to travel to the ones who are far away.
I think the next 365 and beyond hold so much goodness and joy. Stoked for it, but loving this moment right now too.
Thanks for reading.
Sending love from the mountains,