I am

December 6, 2018

I have hesitations about writing and sharing often because I worry about a few things. I worry about saturation, authenticity, and repetitiveness. I find myself holding back thinking of the saturation of content; "someone has already said this", "this is old news", "there are so many mom bloggers/ bloggers/etc out there already". I ponder authenticity; how much to share, what to share, having an effective strong voice that is mine. And repetitiveness: do I keep saying the same thing? Is that bad? Am I wasting people's time?

 

All of these are fear and shame based feelings. Much of it seems to put so much weight on what the outside world sees/feels when I have no control over that. Not only that, I'll never know what others truly think/feel nor should it have an effect on who I am and what I do in this world. Right there I almost wrote (as long as it hurts no one else. Jees! Again my default is "how will this go over?" "will it be okay if I say this". Oh my god. Practicing releasing that concern for external gratification and feedback... Is a practice. 

 

As the year closes and we move through the final month of the year, it is a natural time to reflect, take inventory, and project possibilities and goals the next 12 months. Being a stay at home mom is a beautiful thing that I love deeply and want to cherish each day. I have lots of voices (I love what Russell Brand said in his latest Netflix special on the voices: "There's always AT LEAST 2 in there"), each voice with different ideas of what I should be doing with my life. As I have said before, be wary of the 'shoulds'. They are usually based on what you think others want. They are often judgements on yourself, questioning and doubting who you are and what you do. "Don't should on yourself". So rather than shoulding on myself, I am asking myself. Inquiring. Listening to my heart, keeping an open eye to universal signs (can you tell I just read the Alchemist??), thinking and reflecting. Coming back to my core values and core personality.  Moving the 'shoulds' aside and finding the treasures that make up my spirit. I even took a personality test. I hadn't since high school (they can change - people change!), but mine was generally the same - which makes me happy that I was being myself in my adolescence. I didn't necessarily learn anything new, but it felt like a boost to read my strengths, to take note of what parts about me are especially awesome, and to remember that everyone is unique. To not to assume that everyone has the same skills/talents/inclinations. And to not take them for granted, forget about them, push them aside, or look down upon them. It was a good reminder to love those parts me. To listen to them, and develop them. 

 

Some traits that were confirmed about me:

I am a curious creator.

I am a connection craver.

I am an energetic enthusiast.

I am a leadership lover.

and

I am a conscious communicator.

 

All of these are the antidotes of my fears and bs in the first paragraph... Oh, Alex. 

I truly believe in the good that comes from being yourself and sharing your stories. I am reminded by Oliver Jeffers in his beautiful book "Here We Are" (daily, because Elliot wants to read it at least daily) to share, to create, and to help others. The book reads "Though we have come a long way, we haven't quite worked everything out, so there is plenty left for you to do. You will figure lots of things out for yourself. Just remember to leave notes for everyone else." #yaspersonalgrowthviachildrensbooks

 

So moving forward, I want to live and practice the core traits that make me, me. I want to share, create, write, and lead. I want to read and hear more stories (I love them; whether it's a friend telling a story, watching an awesome stand-up special, or reading a good book). I get so much out of them, and am thankful when others are willing, eager, and fearless enough to share too. 

 

We do no service to ourselves or the world to keep our thoughts, dreams, and ideas to ourselves. The blockages and hesitations we have are probably 99% from internal battles and fears. Where would we be if Mozart, Shakespeare, Einstein kept their ideas inside? If they were more concerned about what they thought they lacked, how others perceived them, and if they had anything good to contribute or share?

 

Worst case scenario: you try something, you were vulnerable, and in that process you learn about yourself and the craft you're pursuing, and you have more in your life toolbelt moving forward. 

 

On that note, if you have something you've wanted to do, try, start - why not do it now? Why not this year? Why not you? One small step in the right direction is %100 further than no step at all. Don't wait until you have more time, more money, more education, more help. 

 

Begin. Get the pen and start putting words and thoughts on a pad of paper. One step.

 

Another reason I love sharing is for it's powers in accountability. I am sharing with you to hold myself accountable. To keep creating, writing, sharing. Will you share with me what you are going to try/start/create/share? Your playlist? Your craft? Your writing? Your stand-up? Your invention? Your art? I'm a good listener - hit me up.

 

Sending love from the mountains,

 

Alex 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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