There are a couple reasons behind this post.
1. I want to keep writing, creating, and sharing.
2. I want to appreciate my life and this moment.
3. I want to practice being present and noticing details.
4. I want to remember this.
December 12, 2018. A Wednesday. As I write this, I am sitting on our favourite couch. It is many shades of brown - never much of a looker - but it is truly one of the comfiest pieces of furniture we have ever known. It was originally a handmedown from Mark's mom. We have lost track of how many people have crashed on it over night, how many naps we've had mid-day on it, movies watched, kids breast-fed, times it was a thing to be climbed and bounced on, stains endured. This couch has seen it all. Just in case we get rid of it one day (could be 20 years. Hopefully not.), I want to remember it and acknowledge how nice it has been to us. I'm sorry for complaining about the lack of support when I was new to breastfeeding and it "SUNK TOO MUCH I CAN'T SIT I HATE THIS THING". I love you and thank you, brown couch.
Next to me is my litebook. Another good friend. My mom gave it to me last year in the depth of what was a combination of PPD (post-partum depression) and SAD (seasonal affective disorder - AKA clouds make life hard I'm crying all the time disorder). Yeah, it was not the best time. Since the first turn of the season in October, I sit next to it daily. I've noticed a huge change. I don't feel dragged down energy/mood wise by the weather. For that, I am so grateful. It also gets me reading daily, as you need your eyes open for it to work.
The rental home we live in is cozy. The windows are framed with brown wood. The doors are deep red and the walls are a yellow-beige. We have two couches in our living room (which is great for when we have 5+ ladies and Mark watching the Bachelor). Some plants that seem to live but not grow (difficult sun spot). The windows are big (which I love), and outside them are truly beautiful Fernie Mountain views. No matter how many times I've put the books away there are always a minimum of 7 books sprawled on the floor. A myriad of toys under the couches. Mostly balls, cards and socks. It's a permanent sock scavenger hunt. 80% of the time there is laundry waiting patiently to be folded, on or around the couches. There are photos hanging of our family, and Mark and I hugging and kissing in various places in the world. We have a Carol Evans print of an ocean shore I treasure deeply hanging to my right. It is a token of love and belonging from my West Coast family - all of whom I look up to in terms of marriage, family, and values. We have a large Richard Avedon print of Ringo Starr in the other corner of the room (the others Beatles are at my mom's until we have more wall space). Given to me by my mom and step-dad when I graduated. I tried for a while to make "Ringo" one of Penelope's first words.
As it is December, we have our Christmas tree up. We started a tradition of chopping a tree down in the wild before we were married. This year we went with the kids on our backs in packs down Coal Creek Road. When Mark and I saw the tree we both had that magic "that's the one!" feeling. It was standing alone, looked strong and full and ready to come to our home and wear our Christmas decorations. We brought it home, Mark threw some lights on the bottom 70% of the tree. The kids helped a little with decorations. We broke 3 decorations - Elliot 1, Alex 2 (as per usual). We didn't think we picked a charlie brown tree but apparently we did! Normally I get a couple comments on the beautiful tree, but this year when I posted a pic calling our tree 'endearing' 1 or 2 people just said "haha ya". I still love it - endearing, bendy, imperfect little tree!
The kids put christmas stickers in a window - in a cluster because thats how kids decorate. I made some bad grinch drawings, but the kids loved them so much they are up on the window with the clusters of santa stickers. too.
Right now the kids are napping. Which I know is such a sweet thing for so many reasons. Yes, they nap at the same time and it rocks. I need the reset. The quiet. Time for me in the middle of a day of doing mostly things for them. So I do treasure it. I have a MUST DO self-care routine. A quick meditation, a 5 minute journal (3 things I'm grateful for, 3 things that would make today great, and 3 affirmations), and reading with my litebook on. Then anything else I do is a bonus. Writing this now is a bonus. Penelope has one or two days a week without naps, and I know that will continue to increase. For now, I revel in the quiet afternoon.
Our days are simple. We get out almost every day (unless weather is insane or someone is fighting a cold). Some days that is walking for a few blocks, some days it is Strong Start, the library, errands. Nothing crazy or complex. We are lucky we see Mark so often, and we want to try to see him at lunch more in the new year. The kids are little for very little time, so just living with them and soaking up their silliness now is a treat. As hard and demanding as toddlers can be, the attention they require forces you to be present. To listen to their babblings and play in their world. Nothing is healthier than a daily visit to goofball island. So I thank my kids for the regular invite there. To notice all the Christmas lights on the block, each decoration on the tree, and what each stuffed animal might be thinking.
All these Christmas movies have me feeling so sentimental and purposeful - that is a good thing!
A short, random post. But hopefully a snapshot of this day. And this sweet moment in time.
I want to post this before they wake up. So I will close with some gratitude:
- I am grateful for naptime.
- I am grateful I get to teach spin and barre (spin tonight! I love leading a class and sweating with a group of people. It's the best)
- I am grateful to have seen Mark at lunch and have the sun shine on our faces this morning
- I am grateful for the fresh white snow that covered the town and sparkled in the light this morning
- I am grateful for my health and strength in my body
- I am grateful for my kid's laughter and to make them laugh easily. Great crowd.
Sending love from the mountains,